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One Year Older

I’m turing 29 tomorrow. It’s not a particularly big birthday, other than that it’s my last year as a twenty-something. On some days, I still feel like a college kid who wants to dance on a table [I wish that feeling had fleeted by now, but I admittedly still love a good table dance]. Other days, I feel completely grown up in my grown-up house, with my grown-up husband, and my grown-up office.

Year after year, I like to write to you on my birthday. It’s fun to look back at very old posts — long before this site was meant to be seen by anyone but a few Facebook friends — and truly feel how I was feeling. I remember my mid-twenties being full of both beautiful successes and quarter-life breakdowns [why wasn’t I Oprah by 25??]. I remember feeling more confident during years 27 and 28, but still as though I was searching for the next thing. And today — at one day shy of 29 — I feel… sure.

Sure of the idea life keeps getting better. Sure of the fact sunscreen really is important. Sure of the truth no matter how hard I try to foresee my future, I’m almost always wrong.

Sure of the belief forgiveness heals every wound. Sure of the understanding no one is better than me, and I’m no better than anyone else. Sure of the promise love fuels life.

Sure of the fact I set my own rules. Sure of the idea I get to pick my own standards, my own pace, my own morals. Sure of the truth kindness matters most.

Yes, I’m still searching. Maybe I’ll always be searching for the right thing to say, or for the right decision at work, or for those perfect pair of fall boots [seriously, the struggle is real].

But mostly, in year 29, I’m sure.