2020, you created life within me.
you gave me the presence to be
and the time to feel.
you gave me the space to arrive,
here at this water and to dream
of the little being that would grow.
now we end the year together, here.
toes in the sand, cotton candy skies.
and we wait… ✨

the curves of carrying life 🌙 these final days of just me and baby are so intimate, so special, so bittersweet. we can sense each other’s eagerness to meet in real life, and yet, it feels as though we’re longing to hang onto just the two of us for a bit longer.

birth is the first time we truly experience what all of motherhood becomes: the simultaneous heartache and happiness of hanging on, and letting go. protecting, and releasing. creating, and then trusting.

and that is why becoming a mother is the greatest lesson in trust, in selflessness, and in allowing those you love most the freedom to become all they are meant to be.

as I prepare to welcome our rainbow angel, I felt overwhelmingly called to share a letter I wrote to the baby we lost after we miscarried last year, early into our second trimester.

a part of sharing this is for me, as a means of healing before I give birth. and another part is for you. for every mother who has suffered the same kind of pain — you are never alone in your heartache, and you are never alone in your joy that will someday follow.

🪐🪐🪐

dear baby, but I had plans.

I had plans for you, for us, for our family.

I reorganized my closet by pieces I could still wear. I emptied our guest room that would become your nursery. I ate clean foods. used organic everything. manifested our journey together and dreamed of you in your bassinet.

but sometimes, no matter how well we take care of ourselves or how powerfully we speak our desires into the universe, plans still change.

I hated god, and I praised god, all within the same breath.

I’d spend hours looking for a sign in the sky that reminded me of you. but I saw nothing. nothing to heal my broken heart, or my aching body.

I wanted my plans back. a growing belly, a hospital bag, a birth plan, a nursery board on pinterest. I wanted a list of names, mom jeans, a babymoon, and belly kicks. I wanted you, all of you, and instead I felt empty.

and now… now your light surrounds me everywhere. I had to open my soul to yours, to feel your heartbeat from another place.

I see you in every sunrise. in every ray of light that fills our home. in every rainbow that stretches its colors across grey skies. I feel you in every warm breeze. in every touch of the ocean. and now, within me, as I grow your brother or sister. your souls are connected, this I know is true.

baby, I had plans. but that’s just it — they were mine… and plans never belong to me, anyways. together, through mourning and celebrating, and crying and forgiving, those plans become what they always were: our LIFE… unfolding in unexpected, yet intentional ways. sometimes hard, sometimes beautiful.

thank you for being both.

dear baby, I cannot wait to hold a part of you in the coming days, as I welcome your soulmate into this world 👼🏼

I remember the transition of me to we, when jake and I first fell in love. and then it went from we to us, when we welcomed our first child. and I remember each time mourning the end of what was — ending a sense of independence, of freedom, of solidarity with myself and the ones closest to me.

but in that mourning of an end, has always been the celebration of a beginning. an opening of my heart in ways impossible to imagine before. an awakening inside of me, so willingly ready to share parts of myself with another soul. to give everything, and to receive everything — the greatest love. so pure, so simple, so infinite.

and so, as I mourn the end of what is — my husband and child and me — to make room for another, I know this ending will bring my heart to places unfathomable to me now. and for that, I am ready.

under the moonlight 🌙 the pier is our place together, and we spent the night before thanksgiving sipping on hot cocoa, watching the sun go down, and dancing under a pink sky.

something about this night felt different. it was happy, nostalgic, and, in a way — felt like an ending. an end to all we’ve ever known, just us, having nights like these together.

the next time we come to the pier, we’ll have one more with us. one more to dance with, to laugh with, to get messy with. and while there’s this part of me that mourns the end to what has been, my heart is ready for what will be. to welcome another angel earth side who will stare at the moon with us, and dance under pink skies, and see our world through a lens so beautiful.

dear baby,
what a beautiful time to arrive.
in the middle of the unknown,
in the midst of the chaos,
in between change and transition,
it’s the right time for you.
you will feel our togetherness
and our imperfect way of living.
you will enter the world when it’s hurting
and yet, you will amplify its beauty
in the way you open your eyes
and stretch your fingers
and smile at us.
I want you to know, baby
that your world is messy.
and in between the mess
is love, is empathy, is resilience.
the mess fuels the human spirit and binds us as one.
so what a beautiful time to arrive, baby.
in the middle of the magic, the journey, and the mess that is life.

the one who made me a mother 👼🏼 my evan grey ireland, forever the soul who reintroduced me to our universe and all of its goodness, its purity, and its fragility. becoming a mother is heartbreakingly beautiful, both because of the enormity of love, and the fear of always protecting it.

motherhood is a constant state of holding on, and letting go. of teaching, and then trusting. of guiding, and then releasing.

as much as pregnancy is about the relationship with your child, it’s also about a new relationship with your body. succumbing to the changes. watching every curve evolve. sometimes with love, sometimes with fear, sometimes with disbelief. it’s as though you introduce yourself again to your own home that’s now the home to another being.

it’s the most freeing, the most terrifying, the most unknown. it’s every feeling of gratitude, and yet also of wonder, because our body is no longer just for us.

and so, when you look in the mirror and see the changes, the curves, the dimples, the lines… day to day, month to month, think of it as falling in love with your home again, just as she is and for whoever she will become.

it’s the in between moments 🤍

of all the far away trips we’ve taken, of every big activity we’ve shared, of every visit to the toy store, it’s the quiet, unplanned moments that are always my favorite. it’s our candid conversations in the car when he shares his three-year-old feelings. it’s the “i love you’s” when he first pops into my bed in the morning. it’s the hand-holding when I know he’s feeling uneasy. it’s also the tears, the tantrums, and the big emotions we work through together. it’s those moments that feel the greatest, the most impactful, the most true to what mothering really is.

children are built during the in between moments. it’s when they learn empathy, and trust, and forgiveness. it’s when they truly see the people they love the most for who they are, and love them anyways. it’s when the next generation of ideas, and of love, and of compassion is created.

and so, of all the big moments we’ve collectively missed this year, the in between moments have proved even more profound… and what a gift that’s been.

do you see the wings? 👼🏼 pregnancy after loss ignites different feelings, from grief to gratitude; from guilt to euphoria, all at once. but more than anything else, it has brought an enormous sense of calm within me, in knowing our children never leave us… their souls are forever part of our souls, and what a beautiful, eternal gift that is.

what an honor it is to be your mother.
to love you, to raise you, to guide you.
to show you what empathy feels like.
to teach you what resilience can create.
to celebrate a kind of self-love and love for others that creates more good.
what an honor it is to honor you…
all of you, and whoever you want to be
in every stage of life and through every new version of you.
what an honor it is to be your mother.

moments captured 🎞 i’m so proud of what my body is capable of creating, and becoming a mother truly gave me an appreciation for every curve that allows the space for little souls to grow, and become life.

sunny side up ☀️ this summer, as weird as it’s been, has been one about growth. a growing baby, a growing belly, a growing everything. growing perspective, and presence, and more love and empathy than ever before 🤍 and I just want to remember all of it.

the most asked question I receive is always about balance. but what if balance isn’t the goal? what if it’s happy chaos, and organized messes, and our own dream of having it all?

because none of us are doing the juggle with equal weights. balance doesn’t account for human emotions, for sick days, for toddler tantrums, for big deadlines. balance doesn’t account for the friend who needs us or the partner who is hurting or the big opportunity that arrives at a weird time.

I spent a lot of time at the start of motherhood chasing balance. between mothering, working, self-caring, caring for others, and showing up for those I loved. it’s hard. it’s exhausting. it’s never good enough. but what I learned is balance isn’t what makes me a good mom, or a good boss, or a good friend. balance isn’t the goal.

the goal is feeling free. free to parent without rules. free to work and dream without placing excuses on ourselves. free to go for a run or take a bath or travel without guilt. free to love your partner in a way that makes you feel like every version of yourself is accepted. free to celebrate exactly the woman you want to be, versus the one others want you to be…

that’s what makes us the best at whatever roles we choose for ourselves. because their ours.

freedom. we create it by doing what feels good and right. by dedicating time to the people and to the passions we love. by asking for help. by forgiving ourselves often. by not starting off every thought with… “I would, but…”

we are capable of so many roles, of so many titles, of so many dreams. and it doesn’t require balance, rather, it requires the freedom to believe we can. imperfectly, and imbalanced.

creating life and building businesses and chasing dreams and changing paths and failing and succeeding… and doing it side by side, with enough space for us to stand on our own, and yet enough togetherness to call this life story unmistakably ours.

someday, he’ll probably remember these summer waves, and the sand castles, and the rocks he collected. but most of all, i hope he remembers how he felt. free, loved, and wild. happy, ready, and wishful. like the world is sunshine even after his tears. that’s the childhood i want him to know. and the life i want him eager to live, always 🌊

22 weeks… don’t know gender, don’t have a name, and yet I know this tiny soul so well already.

I hope the edge of this water always surprises him, inspires him, and reminds him that our world is forever moving, through all the good and all the bad. every wave is purposeful.

my angels 👼🏼 today was a good day… got to see our little babe in our 20-week ultrasound, where doctors do a more detailed look at the baby’s heart, brain, growth & my personal health. he or she is growing beautifully and is apparently very active (😳)!

jake still cannot come to appointments with me because of covid, and I was so overcome with gratitude and emotions walking out of this particular ultrasound that I sat on a bench solo and sobbed for a half hour. full, weeping tears, about six feet apart from the person on a bench over from me who I assured my tears were happy ones. i’ve been looking up and saying thank you a lot today. it’s wild how you can have such love for another being you haven’t met earthside yet. but this little one has taught me so much already, and after experiencing loss prior, my heart knows truly what a miracle it is to create and carry life.

sometimes the current world feels very strange, and then, I have moments like these, wrapped within a stillness i’ve never experienced before to just be and to feel 🙏🏼 and of all the wild things i’ll someday tell this child about the year they grew within me, i’ll also tell them about the the extra moments we got together in the stillness. just us. with the hope that our world is still full of magic, and wherever it’s not, we will create it. #20weeks

new day, new start 🌿 forever reminding myself what a gift each morning is. another sunrise, another chance, another opportunity to love and be loved.

feeling so much gratitude for the space my body created to carry life again 🌙 it’s all a miracle and I am grateful for every change, inside and out, even when uncomfortable or uncertain… #19weeks

we had a hard night last night… he cried, I cried. we were so tired, and our exhaustion led to frustration. I spent several hours after getting him down feeling sad that I hadn’t handled the tears with more patience. in the moment though, it was hard. and that’s what mothering is — sometimes it’s just hard. it challenges us to be our best, but it also pushes even the best of us to feel defeated at times. the silver linings? a new day is like a new year to a toddler (hello happy boy this morning!!) and nearly anything can be solved with a bear hug and bubble gum. mamas, be kind to yourselves. forgive. and get yourselves an extra cup of coffee this morning 🙃

being his mama is so much happier and so much harder than I ever thought it would be. it’s loving someone so deeply that it’s euphoria meets exhaustion in every breath. euphoria from the high that he is mine. exhaustion from the sleepless nights over keeping him safe. it’s wanting to show him our big, beautiful world, while also wanting to protect him from it.

but most of all, being his mama is learning to let it be. allowing him to fly and to fall. to be happy and sad just moments apart. to allow him to see the magic while also experiencing the madness. that’s motherhood, and that’s life… 🌙

dear baby,
can you hear that?
it’s the sound of your brother’s belly laughs
and his feet running across our floors.
it’s the sound of his tears from scraped knees
and his joy from swimming in the ocean.
it’s the sound of his “i love you’s”
and the cries from his, “but don’t go, mama.”
baby, can you hear that?
it’s the voice of your secret holder.
your playmate.
your example.
your friend for life.
your brother.

three plus one <3 we would come to the edge of this water and dream of another one; praying for the gift of life again and trusting infinitely in the belief another soul was waiting for us. we could feel it every time our toes touched the water, or our cheeks felt the salt of the breeze. our child was near…

wished upon a lot of stars over the last year… only to learn in time that every wish already lives within us. who we are, who we want to become, the dreams we have and the ones we’ve let go. our past and present and future. it’s already within us, and when we allow ourselves both the patience and the perseverance to use what we have as our superpowers, we become everything we desire to be.

creating new life 🦋
our earth angel is due 1.1.21
full hearts, full everything.
a gift of light after the rain.
already deeply in love.
we are happy, happy, happy!

spent some time by the water this morning… healing, hoping, thanking, dreaming, manifesting, creating, pausing… even when our world feels heavy with uncertainty, the water reminds me that we are forever changing, evolving, and always deeply connected by these waves that we share with each other.

what’s one health habit you’ve adopted over the past few months that’s made you feel different?

for me, it’s the consistency of the habits that has made my mind and body feel so free. hot lemon water every morning, a slow jog each day, longer nights of sleep, more meals cooked in my kitchen, less guilt and less stress over the small things.

honestly, I had gotten so used to the hustle, I hadn’t even realized the number of times I allowed my body to sacrifice its basic needs for the sake of keeping up with life. but I want to remember how good I feel in my skin right now, so that when life turns beautifully busy again someday, I know this commitment to myself has to stay. to forever prioritize the small habits, which turn into big parts of who I always want to be internally: strong, connected, free 🦋

salty hair and sunset walks and this slowed down pace of life feels like home.

what a strange time, and yet, what a time to really see ourselves again. as individuals, as partners, as parents, as friends. we’ve felt a new kind of love for each other, and also for those closest to us, whether in our home or through a screen or between thousands of miles apart.

and so in all the strangeness, love has proven so much greater. it’s a gift we didn’t ask for, yet one that’s been really beautiful to open.

summer dreaming 💫 never have I craved solo time as badly as I crave the closeness of others, all at once. it’s a weird feeling, to miss my individuality as much as I miss my dependency on my friends, my colleagues, even strangers. it’s a reminder that we can feel all kinds of feelings so deeply at the same moment in time 🌙

warm, uncomplicated, pure.
never the same, but always safe.
like a home I always want to live in.
this is love.

it’s been a heavy week, high with heartbreak over what’s happening outside the walls of our home.

now it’s about action and how jake and I will have discussions within our home, and the action we choose to take, that will most greatly impact our son.

we are his first example and I firmly believe roots are planted within the home first, which carries into our schools, and spills into our friendships, and someday shapes our communities as a whole.

it is not enough to say nothing, saying nothing will not teach him that our differences unite us.

saying nothing will not teach him how to speak up and fight alongside those who need an ally.

saying nothing will not teach him empathy, or give him the fire to fight when he sees wrong.

our work, as mothers and parents and guardians, is to say something. to talk about it. to have uncomfortable conversations so our kids become comfortable with talking about it.

i’m sharing a number of book recommendations i’ve received over the last few days, as good resources, that I am going to order. thought it would be helpful to share for those of you with littles.

every wake up, every bedtime story, every picnic in his playroom. every work interruption, every tantrum, every loss of patience. it’s all been my favorite. the good days, the tiring days, the long days. I am used to hopping between flights and meetings and the office, and then hurrying to school drop offs and trips to the playground and visits with his cousins. and we got really good at the imperfect juggle of it all. but then this happened. and what started as fear and disappointment that our worlds had paused overnight, turned into gratitude for more t i m e. the ability to press pause on the moments we always say we want more of. more love, more compassion, more time to notice the moments between the moments. the way my son holds his spoon. and checks on his stuffed animals. and glides his toy train across the tracks. that’s what I got more time to really see. and I can’t imagine a greater gift than time. and so, whatever this time has been for you — kids or no kids, partner or not — I hope you look back on these months and remember what you got more of, and not merely less of. more growth, more perspective, more time to notice ourselves and others…

the easiest kind of love <3 nearly seven years married and twelve years together. it’s wild to think who we’ve grownup to be. how much we’ve changed. how different we are, and yet how much the same. somehow in life, the days turn into months turn into years turn into changes — our purpose evolves, dreams are reimagined, jobs are new and old, and our roles take on new meanings. from me to we. from you to us. from mine to ours. life becomes so big. in those days, that turned into months, that turned into years, life turned into t h i s. and whatever this moment is for you, it’s so beautifully yours. yours to love, yours to change, yours to mold, and yours to recreate into whatever you want it to be. and then maybe after that, you’ll do it again. change is beautiful and important and necessary. and if you have the opportunity in life to keep changing alongside someone you love, it’s a rare gift. one I don’t take for granted. and one i’ve been proud to open over and over for the past twelve years.

look at that light, reminding us it can break through the clouds after a grey day and shine over our world again 💫

he’s three in a few days. nearly three years of unimaginable love that now exists outside of my body. it’s so much more than I ever thought motherhood could be. he is my greatest journey, my happiest honor, my brightest light, and I am my best with him.

this. this feeling of ocean air and infinite possibility and hopeful daydreams. that’s where this moment brings me. looking at it makes me sure we will create these memories again. it also makes me sure that we’ve learned something really beautiful over the last several weeks; how to find freedom within the walls of our own home, how to find hope within each other, how to daydream from our bedroom windows. all those feelings of needing something or someone or someplace to become who we wanted were put on pause — proving to us we can just BE. we can be right here, in this moment, at home. and be okay.

dreamy light and my cotton candy sweater just because it makes me happy at home 🍭 how are you doing today? for me, it was a weird one… I miss hugging my friends, drinking mimosas with my sisters, and taking my boy to the monkey bars. I miss my team at work, and weirdly, I even miss a conference room meeting. I know these are small things in comparison to what our world is facing, but it’s the small things that make up our life, ya know? and today, I just missed those in between moments more than usual.

i’ve always believed in the power of moving our bodies to change our brains, and it’s never proven more true than over the past few weeks 🙏🏼 it’s also been a new experience to move alongside you everyday with our mini workouts… would love to know what you want more of, less of, or what you like to see that’s most helpful during this unusual time. lmk 😊

currently tucked back into bed, with my boys, a second breakfast, and the birds playing songs for us 🎶 sometimes the in between moments are the most profound in the way they take us from one feeling to the next, and over time you look back and realize it’s those small moments that live within our souls the longest.

currently tucked back into bed, with my boys, a second breakfast, and the birds playing songs for us 🎶 sometimes the in between moments are the most profound in the way they take us from one feeling to the next, and over time you look back and realize it’s those small moments that live within our souls the longest.

what’s something you did for yourself this week? i’ve had a long list of all the things I want to do, like organizing and cleaning, and maybe i’ll get to them… but more importantly i’ve had time to sit with my feelings, fears and daydreams. sometimes life is so fast it doesn’t push us to sit with anything at all, we run from one thing to the next, one feeling to the next. but this time to really be with myself, and reflect on who I want to be now and when this is all over, has been among the unexpected gifts.

a moment of escape, to daydream 💫

it’s strange to feel so rested yet so exhausted, to feel so calm yet so uneasy, to feel so optimistic yet so unsure. but weaved within those feelings is this unimaginable sense of togetherness, that i’ve really never felt before, quite literally connecting us to each other from every corner of the world. and that’s a beautiful gift to witness in a lifetime that we would have otherwise missed…

and suddenly everything paused, and it was just us again, similar to those early weeks just after he was born 🦋 what’s your silver lining?

raising him to watch women soar, to lead, and to love greatly. so that when he is grown, he wonders how there was ever a time when women had to work so tirelessly to remind others of their worth 💫 #internationalwomensday

here’s me + @marianna_hewitt now and then. I found this old video of us from our @summerfridays launch party exactly two years ago. I can feel our nerves, our happy butterflies, and this sense of unease around what we didn’t know yet. and maybe that’s what I can reflect on the most today, two years in — is this idea that we believed in something so much without really having any idea of how we would create it, launch it, sustain it, and grow it. but we did, and we’re still doing it. one day after the other, one dream after the other. until our ideas become something real, for you and because of you. so thank you for cheering us on. and thank you to our team who dreams alongside us now. it started as the two of us, but now it’s so much more than that, both within our office walls and within this community as a whole

squeezed him extra this morning before flying out ✈️ he won’t see me for 10 days, our longest time apart. but he’s going to meet me in new york with daddy and we’ll spend valentine’s together. he’s got a love note from me to read every morning that i’m gone. and he’ll probably get a few extra cookies 🙃 i’m proud that I don’t feel the guilt I used to while traveling. still the heartache, of course. but not the guilt. I pivoted my outlook from “i’m less of a mom for leaving,” to “i’m my own kind of mom for leaving.” mamas, we each mother in our own unique ways — with varying schedules, mantras, rules and methods. we really can’t get it wrong when we love unconditionally. accept + forgive. when we nurture our babies. and when we nurture ourselves.

dear baby, thank you for reminding me happiness is simple, really. because when I see you look at our world with such curiosity, such openness, such silliness, and without judgement, your lens is always so full of light. and it’s full of that happiness we tend to search for as we grow up. what a view, baby. thank you for allowing me to look in… 💫

the in between moments are always the most beautiful, the most meaningful, the most surprising 🌙 here’s to opening our eyes to them…

some of this year’s happiest moments 💫 usually, around this time, I reflect on the goals I accomplished, the ones I didn’t, and how I navigated change. some years feel overwhelmingly happy. other years feel unexpectedly hard. and sometimes, it’s both. 2019 was one of those years. it felt incredibly warm, full of love, and calming. we traveled. showed our son another side of the world. and had dinner on the sand many times over again. it was also a hard year. I felt a strange sense of “in between-ness.” we experienced loss. yet we also experienced more light and gratitude than ever before. and more than anything, we learned how to create our own light. and that probably sums up my year best • creating l i g h t 💫 because it’s the in between hours, and days, and years, that really build who we are. so to 2020, I don’t know your highs + lows yet, your successes and your failures, your love and your tears. but I do promise to indulge in all of your light, and to soulfully create it when you cannot… #happynewyear

another year working alongside @marianna_hewitt, the most decisive, passionate, motivated human I know. she does everything with 5x the speed of even the fastest worker bees 🐝 grateful for this @summerfridays journey we’re on, and even more grateful for those of you here and beyond who so loyally support us. here’s to 2020 🥂

ready to begin a new decade alongside the person who was with me dec. 31, 2010. so young and in love. happily naive. full of dreams 💫 I remember telling him he wasn’t my other half. he laughed, and said he never would be. instead, we promised to become part of each other’s life puzzles, and that together we’d have the ability to reconstruct the pieces however we choose 🧩 10 years later, he is my biggest supporter, and my greatest love as we place — and displace — our life’s pieces over and over again… #2020

manifesting the new decade from the tippy top 🏔 to more magic, more babies (🤞🏻🙏🏼), an expanded heart, and all the room to grow, evolve, forgive and trust in our beautiful world! #grateful

this trip is filling our hearts in a million different ways, and we’ve had one magical sign after another that heaven is dancing around us ☁️ swipe to see the white horse we met this week. she walked right over to us, from a wild pasture, and allowed us to pet her while she gave us kisses. it was such an unexpected moment 💫 so here’s to slowing down this holiday week, and indulging in all of the beauty that we easily miss when we’re busy keeping up with life…

views from the top today ✈️ usually I have all kinds of butterflies + stomach knots when we fly into the mountains, but i’ve been working on calming my plane anxiety with books, meditation apps and mentally preparing myself a few days prior. we travel so, so much – for work, and for personal trips, and it’s a fear I really don’t want to teach my currently-fearless boy. so here’s to all the deep breaths, and maybe a glass of wine, because I know magic is always waiting for us at the end of all the nerves 🙏🏼

the most grateful 🙏🏼 I heard a quote today, that says… “if we are forever yearning for more, we are forever discounting what is offered.” so true, so beautiful. gratitude is easy when everything is right, and a lot harder when our plans fall apart. but what a gift it is to feel gratitude through all seasons of life… #happythanksgiving

thanksgiving eve at home last night, under the lights while the rain came down 🌙 my whole world, in my favorite place, where all my happiest memories live… #grateful

“now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy” ☀️ I do a lot of planning, praying, and manifesting about the future, but sometimes it’s really good to pause in the present and celebrate where I am right now 💫 hope this reminds you to do the very same this weekend!

do something for you today 🙏🏼🧖🏼‍♀️ self-care isn’t selfish. go for the run, make the green juice, run the bath, and do that mask. because no matter how long your list is, you always belong at the top of it so you’re the best YOU for the people and career you love… #selfcaresunday

i’m not sure what moments like this he’ll actually remember someday. but I hope that he’ll always feel the warmth. the happiness. the carefree way he made his mama dance in the streets. and that no matter the season, I hope he remembers i’m always right here.

snapped this as I was flying into michigan last week and it felt so nostalgic to look over the same neighborhoods that raised me. simple, happy, calming. that’s how I remember home, and i’m really grateful for all the places those roots have taken me… all over the world, in everything I do, and in everyone I meet, there’s this part of home within me 🍁

we fell in love about this time, twelve years ago 🍁 we were so young, and so sure. I love who we used to be. and I love who we are now. and most of all, I love the parts of us deep within that never seem to change, no matter the season of life.

views from the lake 🍂 sometimes life moves so quickly we never pause long enough to watch ourselves growing, evolving, shifting. but just like the leaves remind us — change is what moves us from one season of life to the next 🍁 so grateful for this time w my family!

one more hour until I can kiss my little sunshine ☀️ the coming and going used to be tough on my heart, but I am happy to say i’ve finally started to feel comfortable with it. we have such a routine down now, and Ev is big enough to really understand that mama always comes home (plussss he doesn’t mind the treats I bring him from the airport) 😂 ✈️ it’s our very own story of us, and what I love about motherhood is that no one’s way is wrong. it’s uniquely ours to create… and that always makes it right.

we fly, we fall, we fly again 💫 when we can appreciate the sequence, and understand we always have the ability to re-navigate our next trip, that’s when we are most free to build a journey with passion + patience, rather than one out of fear 🙏🏼

thirty two years around the sun ☀️ feeling grateful, grownup, and optimistic for every step of the journey! for me, this year was really about gratitude for this stage of life i’m in — because it won’t be the same a year from now, or the year after that, or 10 years after that. I love how life has the ability to surprise us over and over again when we are open to it 🙏🏼 thank you for being here, cheering me on always.

one of my biggest goals as a mother is to raise my child to feel free. free to run in a world that teaches us to sit. free to sing boldly in a world that teaches us to raise our hand. free to create his own lines in a world that teaches us only to follow directions 💡 sometimes remaining in the box is admittedly easier than having enough patience to watch my child step out of it. but I know who he can become and the wildly big life he can build if I allow him the freedom to fly, from day one 🙏🏼

sometimes toddlerville drives me wild, and then sometimes it does t h i s 🙏🏼🌙 kisses and books before bed, and a lotta “i love you to the moon…” and suddenly all the chaos turns to comfort and gratitude… #magicofmotherhood

sometimes, our dreams find us. even when we plan, and work, and manifest what we want, the universe has a way of fulfilling dreams we didn’t know we had. and when we’re open enough to receive those unexpected gifts — in who we love, what we do, and where we wander to — that’s when we are truly creating a life more beautiful than the one we tried to plan…

first day of preschool for our little dude!!! ✏️ he (almost) missed me, but then found trucks and play-doh and was alllll PEACE OUT mom + dad! the morning went well, except when I picked him up he gave me a mini soccer kick in the knee and i’m not sure if it was a love kick or an “I can’t believe you left me” kick 😂🤷🏻‍♀️😏 either way, i’m proud of him and want him to fly baby, fly! #classof2035 😝

so many times we dreamed of moments like this — years before he was ours, and years before we knew he was coming 💫 and sure, some days it’s a lot harder than what we thought it would be. but it’s also so much sunnier than even our brightest dreams, because our hearts couldn’t prepare for a love this great… #magicofmotherhood

nothing like coming back to the home that raised you 🌾 so many memories on this water, from sandy ice cream cones, to morning dips in the lake, to first kisses and prom pictures (🥴)… and as much as we all change, move away, grow up, build careers, find love and create our own homes, i’d like to think our roots are within wherever we go, and at the core of everything we become 🌈 #puremichigan

my favorite kind of feelings

I nursed my boy for 425 days, and yet this is one of the very few photos I have of us. maybe for two reasons…. (one) is that I usually left my phone while nursing him, and (two), maybe because I didn’t feel quite open enough to share it publicly… which makes me grateful for weeks like these, when we remind ourselves how beautiful it is that our bodies create these magical humans AND the milk to keep them growing! but also, we need these weeks to remind each other the breastfeeding journey is long, emotional, and sometimes impossibly tiring when you’re in the thick of it, in all hours of the day and night for months at a time. and in those moments, it’s important to be kind to our heart and soul and mind, and remember our littles are happiest when their mama is the strongest, and so if that means breastfeeding isn’t working, to allow ourselves the space to know it’s okay, and that each mother’s (and baby’s!) story is their own 🙏🏼

sometimes in the middle of the meltdowns, and the messes, and the spilled milk, and the exhaustion of motherhood, he does this. he wraps his whole body around me just as he did the day we first met. only this time he whispers “i love you mama…” 💛 children have a way of bringing us back to our first home — a home that’s so pure and happy and freeing. so when the world rocks us with its heartache and fears, i’d like to remember the littlest souls can set us free again, to loving our big world so infinitely… 🙏🏼 #motherhoodrising

love the way he loves me 🌙

making memories 💦 it’s been a trying month for us as a family, with some unexpected plans rocking our boat. but this trip, to the water I was raised on, has been happiness multiplied… and it’s been a soulful reminder to begin and end each day with our glass half full ☀️

at the edge of the water is where I always come to pray for the gifts i’m wanting… but it’s also where i’m peacefully reminded I already have everything I need 💫

i’ve always felt happiest by the water, and this week reminded me of how healing, and hopeful, and happy the sound of these waves makes me feel. so under the lights, on a pier somewhere, is where I’ll always go to celebrate the good days, the hard days, and all the in betweens 🌙

saying good morning to the birds and thanking the sun for rising again for another best day ever… ☁️

“dear baby, you have always been a part of me. part of every journal i’ve kept, every discussion i’ve had with god, every glance i’ve shared with your father…” and now, I look at you two, usually hand in hand because you’re so inseparable, and think… wow, this is LIFE. this is creating life, raising life, and celebrating life. and there’s really no greater joy than doing it alongside someone who loves so fully, who gives so infinitely, and who starts + ends each day telling me, “I love you, i’m so happy.” so today, we celebrate him, and say — we are the happiest with YOU… #fathersday

eye love these two 🎡 see what I did there?? ps. Ev has been so flexible and surprisingly easy while traveling… I was expecting more toddler meltdowns but overall he’s reminded me that kiddos are actually a lot more adaptable to change than we are as adults! (other than his jet lag and current 1am bed routine) 😜💤

six years married 🌙 grateful for all of the good mornings and all of the good nights, and for all of the in betweens that make up our life… and most of all, i’m grateful for a partner who has always shown me that love isn’t complicated. love is easy, and overwhelming, and infinitely freeing 🕊

thank you will never feel like enough but i’ll say it anyways on all of our days together 🙏🏼🌙

“dear baby, you remind me of who I used to be before the world shared its fears and insecurities. and you bring me back to this beautiful moment in time, when all I knew was the goodness in people. and that, sweet boy, is the greatest gift of them all.” 🙏🏼 looking back on letters i’ve written to little Ev in stories, ahead of mother’s day, and it’s giving me allll the feels. so grateful i’ve written them!

my brother, holding my son ✨ on the surface, you might not see our story. which is why I want to tell it — ahead of mother’s day — because my brother is probably the most important part of my own journey to motherhood • meet eric. born nearly five months early, 30-something years ago. survival of babies born that early then was nearly zero. he suffered a brain bleed after birth and was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. as a family, we sat through a lot of doctors appointments, physical exams, and occupational therapists. I watched my mom pray for answers, and my dad create paths for him that no one else could envision. my brother was such a warrior through it all, and proved doctors wrong when he learned to walk, talk, and ride a bike. and then he proved the bullies wrong, when he was crowned prom king and the star of our school. and here he is today, spinning my son on the beach between belly laughs and sand castle builds • eric taught me a lot about motherhood long before I became a mom. he taught me patience. he taught me gratitude. he taught me nothing is impossible, and everything is a gift. • so when I became a mom, it was his story that reminded me to celebrate every good day, to say thank you for all the victories big and small. and to honor those gifts with gratitude, during magic hours like this one • so happy early mother’s day to the mamas, the aunts, the siblings, the friends and the neighbors who all work to raise our angels… 👼🏼

happy easter 🐣 so happy, so grateful! this will forever be my favorite holiday, because Ev’s literal BIRTHday happened to fall on easter two years ago, and it’s why we decided to name him Evan (meaning, “god is gracious”) ☀️ thankful for the infinite gifts!

we used to think meeting you would be the best day of our lives… but instead, you make everyday even better than the one before ✨ here’s to 365 more days of b e s t d a y s e v e r, sweet boy… #twoyearsold

it’s my role to build his roots, while always reminding him to never be fearful of spreading his wings 🦋 wherever he goes, whoever he becomes, in all his stages of life… i’ll forever be his first home.

he’s never completed me, but rather always walked alongside me as my partner, forever meeting me halfway on whatever life throws us 🌙 grateful always, and especially now as I work particularly long hours and travel the world to go after my bucket list of dreams✨ it’s a lot easier to hear from someone who agrees to the unpredictable, than it is to know someone who will indeed follow through on the promise when it means a lot of extra weight falls on them at home… so to those of you who have written me on how I get it all done, it has a lot to do with who I chose as my number one… 🙏🏼

my MVP’s, who fill me with so much sunshine to every square inch ☀️ grateful.

this is US ☀️ for as much as motherhood is about sacrifice, there is no role in life that makes me feel so free, so alive, and so blissfully unaware of our complicated world. so here’s to dancing across every pier we ever step foot on… 🤩 #bestdayEVER

nearly two years in with my answered prayer 🙏🏼 oh evan grey, life is so happy with you.

one of the quotes I always come back to is… “love the process over the plan…” ☀️ because these in between moments are really what make up most of our days, and it’s the unexpectedness of it all that turns out to be our life 🙏🏼

happy one year of bringing our daydreams to life, Marianna Hewitt 🍾 thank you for never agreeing to what’s easy, for so passionately creating new ways of doing something, and for letting me have the window seat because of my plane anxiety ✈️😳 i promise to say “i’m soooooo exciiiiited” while throwing my hands in the air at least 3726284826 times until our next Summer Fridays birthday 🥳🤗

Summer Fridays is turning one tomorrow (🥳🙊) this candid snap gives me alllll the feels. me and my boy, with the little blue tube that started an unexpectedly wild, busy, beautiful year. the last 364 days taught me so much about imperfectly balancing motherhood and work… about forgiving myself often, and ultimately about the power of trusting a journey that I can not create or control on my own. life offers us some remarkable turns when we allow ourselves to get on the ride… 🙏🏼

not dressed for the rain, but we’re happy dancing on bondi anyways because this city, and its people, and allllll the feels from this trip to australia are something I want to remember always 🙏🏼 so grateful!

no one loves a grey day more than my evan g r e y ☁️ he’s named after a lesson my dad always taught me growing up… “nothing in life is black or white; forgive often and have empathy for others’ journeys.” 🙏🏼

always wrapped up in you, my valentine 💕

• mamas are meant to guide their babies on this journey of life, but i’m sure every mama bear would agree with me when I say our babies truly guide us 🌙

not dressed for the rain, but we’re happy dancing on bondi anyways because this city, and its people, and allllll the feels from this trip to australia are something I want to remember always 🙏🏼 so grateful!

my snow angel/snow monster, because right now is about that age when 50% of the time he’s the sweetest bff ever, and 50% of the time he’s all “mommmmm” 😭😤🙄😫 i’m not going to ask how long this stage lasts for because I imagine toddlerville is here to stay for a while 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

we spent our first new years together in 2008. this is our 12th year of january firsts together. we’ve made so many resolutions, and dreams, and lists with each other. they’ve gone from being wildly independent — things like signing up for tougher college classes, to him getting into grad school, to me finding my first news anchoring job — to resolutions we made together, like buying our first home, to wanting a child, to starting new businesses. and maybe what I love most about all these years together, and about marriage overall, is the flexibility we’ve always given each other to change, and to evolve, and to grow into new versions of ourselves. and whenever those changes have felt especially big, we come back to our core — to two twenty-year-old kids with stars in their eyes and hope in their hearts, with dreams that seemed so impossible yet so achievable. we loved so purely then, and we were so unaffected by how big life really is. and I think coming back to that feeling is like coming home to this magical place that’s solely ours ❤️ #2019

dear 2018, you opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind to lenses I could not have envisioned before now. you gave me superhero powers that I never knew I had. you also reminded me that even superheroes need to sleep sometimes. this year, I prayed more than ever before. I said a lot of ‘thank you’s’ and ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I cannot believe it’s’. this year taught me I could be a mom, a colleague, and a boss, and a wife, a friend, a daughter, a dreamer and a doer—and that I can be all of those things, imperfectly and in complete imbalance, and with the help of my giant village. this year, I learned how to ask for help and forgiveness, while also forgiving myself when I fell short in those roles. 2019, I am ready for the joy, the tears, and the lessons you will bring me. ✨ #bestof2018

my🌙☀️✨

what today is about 🌲 L O V E

my littlest elf, preparing for tonight’s magic ✨ I love you sweet one, thank you for reminding me of how happy our world is when seen through your lens 🔍 you are my most joyful gift, and not a day goes by I don’t look up to say thank you 🙏🏼 #evangrey

living in our very own snow globe ☃️ can’t imagine a happier feeling than this and i’ll never stop saying thank you for the role of mamahood.

we had a lot of plans for today. decorate the tree. finger paint. grocery shop. birthday party. papa’s house. and emails for me. but then, we wound up doing this 💤 still in pj’s, napping on the couch, and getting absolutely nothing done. but it was a busy week, and all of us woke up this morning craving some simple family time. so, here’s to letting go of my very enthusiastic to-do list for a sunday and indulging in THIS instead 🙏🏼 #sundayfunday #momlife

of all the places i’ve been and all the roles i’ve ever had, i’m most at home as your mama bear 🐻 #evangrey

he’s juuuust beginning to have these mini meltdown moments (ya know, like when I tell him the restaurant doesn’t serve choc chip pancakes) 🤦🏻‍♀️ butttt he’s also turning into a real little human who pauses during playtime to give me a kiss, and who says “I love you” when I leave for work, and who belly laughs at my terrible impersonations during story time… and so, i’ll take those little meltdowns if it means he’s also big enough to love me thisssssss much [insert baby’s arms stretching to the sky here] 🙌🏻 #motherhoodunplugged #honestbeauty

grateful for our best days ever ✨ wishing you a happy thanksgiving, and I am so grateful you allow me to share this journey of life with you here! hoping you celebrate today, and that you find gratitude in even the hardest of circumstances, because without the tough days, we’d never know the true joy of our happiest ones… #grateful

grateful for the bear hugs and the belly laughs, but most of all, for the journey that led me here, wrapped around my boy counting leaves on the ground 🍁 happy thanksgiving eve loves! #grateful

this time one year ago 🍁 and just like the season, you changed and grew and became even more beautiful than my wildest dreams.

there’s this permanence of his heart always settled tightly next to mine 🍂 forever my baby he’ll be.

sunday 🍂 this weekend started with some mama guilt, after missing a few bedtimes last week because of work. but today I feel reconnected and refueled… and also reminded of the fact that this whole #momguilt thing is usually a temporary feeling that’s easily remedied with a weekend besties date. motherhood isn’t perfect, but our love for each other is, and that means I really can’t get it wrong… #motherhoodunplugged

lead the way, little one. we’ll be right here, as you find your way on the road less traveled 🍂

this time last year, on our first fall getaway as a family. sometimes photos like this make me wish I could freeze time, but then I look at him now, and I think… wow, it is SO good, and this role of mamahood keeps getting better and better. this year he’ll play in the leaves and dance in the grass and probably cry when I tell him it’s time to go. and I am so grateful for a new year, in a new place, with my same (but oh so different) little bestie… #magicofchildhood

thirty one 🎈 another year alongside my greatest loves. a lot can change in a year. I heard the sound of my baby’s footsteps pattering across our kitchen floor. I heard his soft voice utter “I love you” for the first time. and we blew out his first candles together. this was also the year of @summerfridays. I watched our little blue tube appear on @sephora ‘s homepage for the first time. @marianna_hewitt and I cried when we saw it on store shelves. and we bought every copy of @voguemagazine after it appeared on its pages ✨ thirty was a year of highs, and a year of lessons. I learned how to be kinder to myself, when I struggled to find my way between being a mom and showing up for work. I learned to trust my ability to be a mom, and a wife, and a colleague, and a friend — if even imperfectly at times. and I was reminded that life spoils us with surprises we cannot predict, and when we live each day with gratitude, our glass is always full. thank you for allowing me to share a part of my journey here. here’s to watching the light shine even brighter than the year before… #grateful

this might sound silly, but while I was pregnant with Ev, a trip to the apple orchard was one of those things I daydreamed about as a mama 🍎 me and my baby, bundled up on a fall day, picking apples and sipping on cider 🍁 as with most things in motherhood, the daydream is always quiet and simple and easy… and the reality usually involves a few tears and maybe a lost pair of pants 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 and yet still, somehow, that madness makes my mama dreams feel more alive than ever, and i’m wildly grateful for all of it… #evangrey #motherhoodunplugged

it’s his birthday 🌙 I got so lucky all those years ago, when we were 19 and silly in love. a part of me knew then we’d do life together. he makes reality better than even my favorite rom-coms 📽😍 now cue allllll the cheesy feels that will make him feel uncomfortable 🙊… #iloveyou

this time last year, with my littlest fall buddy 🍁 something about this season so beautifully reminds me that change, though sometimes hard to accept in the moment, is what pushes us to our next purpose in life 🍂 we have so much waiting for us…

i’m learning to let life surprise me, because the unexpected journey is always so much more beautiful than the one we can plan ourselves ✨

serious question: can I pre-order 10 of him? 🤷🏻‍♀️👶🏼 maybe I can work out a deal with god to give me all the belly laughs and toothy grins (and exclude the sleepless nights and diaper explosions) if I commit to a large order?! because this first one is REALLLLL sweet and i’m currently contemplating if we want a whole team 🤷🏻‍♀️ my big sis says get to two and *then* have this conversation 😂 #evangrey#motherhoodunplugged

this summer was extra sweet, with moments like this ✨ we put our feet in the pacific and belly laughed in lake michigan. we collected sea shells and made watermelon popsicles every day. we brought lunch to the park and danced through the sprinklers. it was the first year I got to watch my boy leave his footprints in the sand and splash salty water in his hair, and I am grateful for photos like this one so I never forget the happiness the summer of ‘18 brought me and my little family 🙏🏼 #magicofchildhood

When people ask me about how I’m balancing mom life and work life, I feel like the most honest answer is that I’m not really balancing it at all. Some days I’m a superhero, taking meetings and launching products and still finger painting with my boy while making him an organic meal I found on pinterest. Other days I’m a mess, barely able to keep up with the hundreds of emails in my inbox, missing calls because Ev isn’t feeling well, and doing it all while in the poop-stained sweatpants my son so lovingly made his mark on. But no matter the feeling — whether i’m the superhero or the mess — I start and end each day with so much gratitude. Gratitude for the opportunity to be a mother — a role I wanted more than anything in life. Gratitude for the opportunity to work — a gift that I do not take for granted, especially as a first-generation American. And gratitude for all the beautiful chaos God gave me in this very moment. Because even if I’m not perfect at balancing it all, I know I can do it all — for myself, for my son, and for every mama out there trying to raise kind humans while showing up for work… #motherhoodunplugged

my heart in a photo ✨

weekending with my bff 👶🏼 do you see how blonde he’s getting?! i’ve always been dark but jake was a blondie, so it must be from him 🤷🏻‍♀️ isn’t it nuts to see how genes mix?! i stare at Ev all day saying, “that’s my smirk… those are daddy’s lashes… that’s your papa’s walk…” and on and on ☺️ i love seeing parts of ourselves and our families in him, and most days i still can’t believe we made a HUMAN! #godisgood

sometimes i have this fear about doing motherhood wrong. should i be in more mommy & me classes?! do i brush his teeth long enough?! is that water too cold?! oh no, is that cookie organic? OMG… should i be giving him a cookie at all?! 😳🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 but then, we have moments like this, when he wraps his arms around my neck and kisses my cheeks and says “mama, mama, mama, woahhh!” while watching the waves hit shore. and i think to myself, this must be right. so, so right 🙏🏼 #evangrey

i remember praying for moments like this, and now i spend a lot of time saying thank you ✨✨✨ #myboys

every time i take my boy to the edge of the water i’m reminded of how big our world is, and how much life is waiting for him 🌊 we never know exactly what’s waiting for us until it’s here — the highs that fuel us, the lows that give us perspective, and all the in betweens that make us who we are. isn’t it crazy to think he’s already building his own journey? he’ll have his own stories, his own relationships, his own career and his own dreams. my greatest hope for him is that he always comes back to the edge of this water with gratitude for his experiences, and an openness to accept whatever is yet to come ✨

three generations tonight 👶🏼 did you know evan grey is named after my dad? the GREY is rooted in a lesson he taught me growing up. whenever i’d struggle with forgiving someone, or understanding another’s choices that were different from my own, he would remind me nothing in life is black or white. that there’s this grey area, that shapes who we are and the decisions we make. we have to be empathetic of the grey, because it’s a part of all of us. so thank you papa bear, for reminding me GREY is what makes this world of ours and the people in it shine so bright… #fathersday

oh, sweet boy, you have the greatest example of love to learn from. your daddy has a calmness about him that will so effortlessly guide you through life’s noise. best of all, he loves your mama with such openness, and you are one lucky boy to learn from him ✨ happy father’s day jake! #fathersday

last month I decided to make a more conscious effort of taking the “but” out of my thoughts… so instead of saying things like ,”i’m so excited about speaking at this event, butttt i’m so tired from #momlife, NOW I say “i’m so excited about this opportunity, and how incredible is it that my son gets to grow alongside me in this stage of life?!” 🙏🏼 it’s totally changed my mindset, my mood, and my overall outlook on my ability to take on the world each day ✨ so wherever you are in life – a new job, an old job, in between jobs, or a stay at home parent – keep that glass half full and you’ll find life is a whole lot easier to tackle 🙌🏻

motherhood is the most freeing role i’ve ever known, because it’s so unexpected, and imperfect, and beautifully unplanned. it’s funny, because I used to think becoming a mom would make me more obsessed with my schedule, my to-do lists, and the “right” way to do everything… but instead, i’ve learned we have the best days together when we have the freedom to just be 🙏🏼 we don’t do it all by the books, but it’s our own story to write, and i’m grateful we get to author it together… #motherhoodrising

happiness, captured ✨📸

grateful for this role of motherhood. grateful to my body for getting me here. grateful for my mother for showing me love knows no bounds. grateful to my grandmother for bringing her children to america and teaching her grandchildren to live and love fiercely. and more than anything, i’m grateful for the infinite amounts of joy I feel as a mother, a role i’ll never stop saying thank you for… #mothersday

friYAY plans with bae 👶🏼 i’ve been really working on changing my mindset around how busy things are, so that every time my mind wanders to a place of… “i’m barely juggling it all,” instead i’m going for… “how amazing is it that life is so full?!” 🙌🏻 sometimes I think we all tend to let the feelings of being too busy take away from the magic that BUSY means life is pretty darn great at the moment and we have a whole lot to celebrate ✨💃🏻 #momlife

prayers answered and dreams fulfilled and love multiplied… that is #motherhood.

Oh, the journey 👶🏼 Sometimes breastfeeding looks like this – beautiful, peaceful, connected. Sometimes it looks distracted, squeamish, impossible. We’re nine months in, and this stage of our nursing journey has been the most difficult on me – physically and mentally. My body doesn’t produce the milk it used to. He wants more independence. And I feel like the pump is essentially another body part at this point. I’ve cried more than a few times, both because of the milk, and because I know this is merely the first of many times I’ll have to let go of something that was once solely ours. And I suppose that’s what motherhood really is – this constant journey of love and letting go, of connecting and releasing, of knowing and of trusting. So for now, I am grateful for every moment like the one in this photo, and attempting to hang onto the feeling for the rest of time 🙏🏼 to all of you mamas, let’s remind ourselves to indulge in the journey (and to take care of ourselves, too). video on this coming soon x

just grateful 👶🏼 of all the things we question as mamas, gratitude is never one of them…

somehow, the infinite magic that is motherhood makes the exhaustion disappear and the long days feel happily possible over and over again ❄️ so grateful to have my baby in my hometown, cuddled up, watching the snow fall… #magicofchildhood 📷 by @svillers

sky’s the limit, sweet one ✨ surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, and you will soar… #magicofchildhood

Oh BABY 👶🏼 This year has been so beautiful, so tiring, so euphoric, so challenging. Everything in my life dramatically changed over the last 12 months, and yet I feel more at home with myself than ever before. I watched my body build the curves of creating a human. I helped pull my son into this beautiful world. I heard the word ‘mama’ for the first time, knowing it was meant for me. I cried. I prayed. I questioned everything and yet I questioned nothing 🙏🏼 I struggled to find my way back to a regular working schedule, but I feel so proud of creating @summerfridays alongside my partner @marianna_hewitt during this most life changing year. It was a big 12 months, and I have loved sharing it with you. Thank you for your sweet words, your personal messages, and for sharing your own stories and struggles of new motherhood. Click the link in my stories for a personal letter on my year… #grateful #2017

sometimes the joy is overwhelming ✨ baby boy, i’m so grateful to spend your first christmas spoiling you with so much love (and hugs and kisses and happy tears) 👶🏼 sharing all my festive favorites on the blog today, from jammies, to ornaments, to baby santa beanies! link in stories… #evangrey

Dear baby 👶🏼 you are joy, and hope, and happiness, and health. You are peace, and prayers, and love, and answers. You are a lifetime of dreams. 🌙 Some days are long. I have cried, and pleaded, and prayed for strength on the days I miss the old me. But in more ways, motherhood is my magic. Everyday feels like the best day ever. Truly. And you have taught me how to find the light when everything goes dark. 🙏🏼 … a letter to me baby, six months in, is on the blog (link in bio) #evangrey

As a mama, my body has been shocked, stretched and strengthened… and is working its way back into something that feels the same yet so incredibly new. New curves and lines and bumps and bruises that remind me of the beautiful life I created. People were right when they told me my body would never be the same. But what they forgot to tell me is how empowering that transition would feel. How somehow, my insecurities would become reminders of how capable my body is 🙏🏼 I’ve written back and forth with so many of you, who have asked about my transition after having Evan. And I think the most fair response is that it’s just that – a transition. Some days we feel confident, other days we feel terribly unsure. We all have different bodies, and schedules, and routines. We’re all going to heal in different ways at different moments in time. We’re going to deal with the struggles of new motherhood in our own ways. But together, we can cheer each other on. Encourage each other to be patient in our transition. And to celebrate our newness. I hope we never let the expectation of hanging onto our old bodies get in the way of loving the new bodies we’re in… 📷@cibellelevi

Sometimes, the magic finds us 🍂 Our little family really needed these few days away to hit the pause button. Life is so fast – especially in LA, it seems – and there is rarely a day we don’t have a full schedule. Since having Ev, I’ve realized that if I don’t create these slow moments, they simply won’t happen. We’ll always be fighting for time, while balancing how to share our boy with others. And so, I hope he always allows us to indulge in slowing things down and showing him the world, just us… #evangrey

“You have always been a part of me. Part of my hopes, my dreams, my plans. Part of every journal I’ve kept, every discussion I’ve had with God, every glance I’ve shared with your father…” From a letter I wrote to my baby while I was pregnant. I love looking back at how I felt in those early moments, feeling him kick and play in my belly… to now, hearing his belly laughs on the beach. It’s all a miracle… #evangrey

NYFW with my boy was so different, so fun, so happily imperfect this time 👶🏼 I nursed him while getting ready everyday, snuck in trips to Central Park between shows, and brought him to his very first board meeting 💻 I also found spit-up in my hair at the @carolinaherrera show and felt total mom guilt when I missed his bedtime routine two days in a row. But all in all, our first trip to the big 🍎 was pure JOY and little Evan counties to prove life is so much better when it’s unplanned and imperfect… #mamahood

Baby bliss 👶🏼 I rarely capture the hardest moments of new motherhood – the tears, the first fever, the messy house or the overwhelming exhaustion I feel at 2am. Not because they’re not important. But because they make moments like these – on a beach, with my boy, on a beautiful day – feel that much more joyful. The happiness has a way of clouding the hardships, so that everyday somehow feels like the best day that ever existed… because it’s another day with my son… #evangrey

indulging in all the happy moments that ever so quickly become the most blissful memories 👶🏼🌊

made it to my hometown in michigan 👶🏼 spent the coziest sunday morning with my evan grey, watching the waves roll in, and thinking about all the times I spent daydreaming of this moment growing up…

a dreamy sunday 👶🏼🐶☕️🍃 my heart is so desperately trying to grab hold of these moments forever, which feel so unbelievably beautiful and fleeting all at once… #mamalife

beanies + undies 👶🏼 p.s. how do such ordinary moments feel so extraordinary with a baby?! #bestday #evangrey #babyandlu

mamahood 👶🏼 it’s blissful, and beautiful, and hard, and terrifying… but mostly, it is love… #evangrey #grateful